keep moving forward

For almost two years now, I feel like I've been living life in a constant state of transition. After 23 years of living in the same place, I was compelled to leave. Honestly, it was mostly in order to chase the girl--the fact that I had landed a job in the coffee world just served as a practical means to the end. It was probably the one of the hardest things I'd had to do at that point, and adjusting to a completely new environment was difficult. In that time I struggled with both city life, maintaining a relationship lived through long drives up and down 400, having newfound financial responsibility, putting in long hours and doing some of the most intensive work I had ever done. Sounds awful, but during that I also: made friends, acquired a wagging-tailed daughter, had my mind exposed to the world of coffee, found an industry I'm passionate for, and had my relationship survive some tough trials. I finally started to get comfortable, and moving into the city with the person that was closest to me made it even better. I was ready for our city life together.

Then, she died. Amidst tragedy, I had no choice but to cling to a hope that somehow this was all part of a higher plan, and that was so true. My life as I knew it had been reset. I felt like I needed to return back to my hometown, thinking I wouldn't have the strength to carry on alone in the city without her there. I was fortunate to keep working in coffee, and keep improving my craft. I had left my chances of ever finding "the one" to God, because I had little energy to try again. A few months later, someone would enter my life that obviously I wasn't expecting. Some questioned my ability to be ready for such a thing, but she came at exactly the right time, and that desire was instilled in me all over again. Here now I had things almost rebuilt: the job, the lady, the circle of friends, the roots replanted. Somehow I lost that job. I felt rather under-appreciated, misled, and the casualty of unethical business policy. However, there was a peace about the situation that told me I would be taken care of, and I believed that notion.

My drive to further my career has led me back to the place where I once was. Atlanta. It was the only option worth pursuing. Within the week, I will joining those friends that I made, and rediscovering coffee all over again. There's details still to be worked out--housing, roommates, moving date(s), but it's not a concern.

I've learned by this point to flow with where I'm being taken, and trust that i'll arrive safely wherever I'm meant to be. I have a family, a beautiful girlfriend, friends, and a dog who all support and encourage me. I also have the memory of a girl who is the most driven and motivated person I know, and I have no doubt she has left me with at least part of that spirit. I now do what I love to do, am supposed to do, and was taught to do--keep moving forward.

By your own soul, learn to live.

And if men thwart you take no heed.

If men hate you have no care.

Sing your song, dream your dream,

Hope your hope and pray your prayer.

-Parkenham Beatty

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And leap...It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

-"Defying Gravity" from Wicked

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4